ADHD & Stimming - How to Help?
It May be a Bit Annoying, But How Can I Help Someone Who Stims?
Image ©️ DebbiSmirnoff via iStock
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INTRODUCTION:
As I think about my own life as a serial stimmer, I’m aware of two glaring facts:
When I’m alone I do it more and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest
The only time it causes any tension or problem is when I feel judged for it and/or when I know it’s irritating to other people.
There’s a lesson here, both for the person with ADHD who stims and for those around them who witness it:
💡 Stimming is normal and so we need to find ways of accommodating it.
ROCKING THE BOAT:
The nub of the issue with stimming in public is that it rocks the boat; it breaks the conventions of socially ‘normal’ functioning and can be unsettling or even irritating for others.
Fair enough.
But so can the incoherent shouts of those with learning disabilities, the fainting of diabetic people with chronically low blood sugar or the slower pace of an elderly person negotiating a busy high street.
The difference is, that we don’t tend to readily attach blame to any of these people. We passively accept what we see and/or hear as a normal outward expression of an inward reality that is not their fault. In fact, to consider these manifestations as being about ‘fault’ at all is ridiculous and any attempt to blame, judge or sanction them would attract the ire of any reasonable person.
But stimming can sometimes be seen differently.
Don’t Judge
Rather than a natural sequelae of a person’s ADHD, stimming looks like indiscipline, insensitivity or socially inappropriate behaviour. It can appear silly or infantile, even odd.
Along with this, there can be a tacit assumption that, ‘they could stop if they put their mind to it,’ or ‘they just need to get a grip.’
I’ve had both these things said to me at different times. I even allowed the, ‘he’s a bit irritating’ narrative to take root as part of my own internal working model, sometimes even saying it myself to stave off the greater sting of someone else saying it first.
This is no good. Passing judgment-whether overtly or not-is spectacularly UNhelpful.
Ironically for the judge, and sadly for the person being judged, this approach might actually make the stimming worse in those for whom it’s a way of dealing with stress.
HOW TO HELP A STIMMER - some ideas:
So, if stimming is a normal part of life for some, how can we help?
Here are a few ideas - as always, this is not an exhaustive list, just some thoughts to provoke us to think more about how we can be supportive.
1. Respect and Acceptance
Show understanding and acceptance towards stimming behaviours - treat them as natural expressions that can help with sensory regulation and/or emotional coping.
Don’t judge, criticise, or attempt to dampen down or discourage stimming - it may be essential for the person’s well-being.
If you know the person well enough, you could ask what they feel like when they stim or what they get out of it. This helps break down barriers and/or gently let the person know they’re doing it - they may even be grateful as a lot of stimmers do so unconsciously.
2. Create a Safe and Non-Judgmental Environment
Try to create an inclusive environment that accepts stimming as a normal and accepted part of the individual’s functioning.
If someone needs to stim, let them. Rather than judging what they do, let them get on with it and carry on around them.
Be mindful that there may be situational drivers to the behaviour - i.e. the environment itself may be one of or the causal factor that brought on the stimming in the first place. Stimming can be brought on or heightened by stress…
Try out different and more nuanced approaches to see what works best - this is particularly applicable to places like residential settings, foster placements and the like where there is a good level of influence over what happens when and how the living situation functions.
3. Communicate Openly
Have open, honest and respectful conversations with the person about their stimming: what are their preferences, boundaries, and what would they like, if anything, to make things easier or more comfortable?
Remember, each individual is the expert on their own subjective experiences; adopt the role of a learner during these discussions and allow the person in question to teach you about themselves.
Encourage them to express their thoughts about it all and what they need. Normalise them giving feedback on how their stimming is going and how it affects daily life.
At all times, be gentle and kind.
4. Support Self-Regulation Strategies
Encourage the individual to explore and develop additional self-regulation strategies alongside stimming, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques or physical activities (I’ve found great benefit in using mindfulness in particular; it allows me to calm my ‘core’ somehow, such that everything feels a little less jittery).
Help them identify and implement strategies that can complement stimming and promote overall well-being. Walking or other physical activities might help, both ‘in the moment’ during periods of agitation or excessive stimming or as part of a broader routine for coping with their ADHD.
5. Provide Sensory Supports
Offer sensory tools or objects, such as fidget spinners, stress toys/balls, a rubber band or a big ball of Blu Tac (this is one of my favourites). These can serve as alternative stimming outlets and help channel excessive energy and/or sensory needs.
Allow someone to wear ear phones or play music in the room at a low level - usually music or sounds without words is best as it’s less distracting, but can help tune-out other sounds and promote focus.
Create sensory-friendly spaces or a designated area where the individual can freely engage in stimming without feeling self-conscious. This can be a help in and of itself, or can work as a step along the way while a more accepting, non-judgmental and supportive environment develops.
Remember, as always, each individual's stimming behaviours and preferences may vary, so it's important to approach them with empathy, flexibility and a willingness to understand their unique needs and experiences.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
Of course, your relationship to the person who stims, where it occurs and how it interacts with the particular environment, will all be factors in whether or how to apply these ideas.
As usual with any form of prejudice, though, understanding is key as is being open-minded and willing to learn from those who know - the stimmers themselves.
Having survived my jokey, homicidal threat from the office downstairs (see the previous post), I found myself laughing and aware that my tapping behaviour, though subconscious to me, was actually causing an issue for someone else.
By dealing with it gently, humorously and without judgment, everyone was better off.
More Info
DR LAMAR HARDWICK - web page
Understanding Vocal Stimming in Autism & ADHD - from VeryWellMind
BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD - click here (affiliate link)
BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)
ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here
ADHD Test: For Women - click here
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