Object Permanence #2
Some strategies to help support children and teenagers...
Image © Jonny Matthew 2025 (Made with DALL-E)
If you’re a free subscriber to Jonny’s Substack and would like to support the work please consider becoming as a paying subscriber (it’s only a fiver)…
Introduction
In the last post, we began looking at Object Permanence (OP) - the understanding that objects (including people) continue to exist even when they are not visible.
We said that it’s is an early, fundamental milestone in cognitive development that infants largely acquire in the months before they can speak - usually by the time they’re around 8 months to a year old.
We looked at some of the problems this brings with it if a child doesn’t develop OP in the usual way: these include various things that roughly fall into the areas of emotional and cognitive development - see last week’s post for more on this if you missed it.
Today, I want to shift things a little more positively and look at some ideas of things to do and ways of being when we’re working with kids, that can help them recover some of the lost ground around object permanence.
Strategies for Supporting Teenagers with Delayed Object Permanence
Teenagers who did not fully develop object permanence may be more clingy, insecure or demanding of attention than their peers - in some cases, to the degree where they behave more like a child who is much younger. But there are things we can do to support these kids:
Consistent Communication:
Regular Check-Ins: Maintain frequent and predictable communication to reassure the teenager of your presence and support. This is particularly helpful in residential or foster care settings, where the presence of the adult/s may need to be reinforced - sometimes constantly; at least for a while. Being especially live to this issue is important when children have just moved home and may need more grace than most kids their age (e.g. who are just moving house with their family) to get used to a new place and new people.
Clear Expectations: Set and communicate clear plans and routines to provide a sense of stability - and then stick to them; following through with the plan is key! Involve children in decision-making as much as possible, don’t change things without warning (especially at the last minute) and if you do have to change things, don’t dismiss their reactions to it - it feels genuinely unsafe! Lean in, empathise and be kind.
Use of Visual Aids:
Calendars and Timetables: Be creative with visual schedules, calendars and/or routines to help them anticipate events and understand timeframes. Pictures work better than words for some kids, so adapt to suit them. It’s a lot easier to drop in a gentle reminder about something visible and explicit, than it is to verbally keep cuing them up - the latter relies on them holding things (appointments, etc.) in their heads, which they may not be great at if this has been an issue for a long time.
Photographs: Use pictures of family members, friends, carers and familiar places to reinforce the continuity of people and places - these little visual cues being constantly on display can help keep kids settle and remind them that things continue even when not immediately and obviously present. This can work well is residential and foster care settings, too, especially at the beginning where kids are trying to familiarise themselves.
Jean Piaget, 1975. ©FARRELL GREHAN/CORBIS/GETTY IMAGES
Gradual Separation Practices:
Short Absences: Practice brief separations followed by returns to build a sense that absences are temporary - leave the room but keep talking as you do so - this can show kids that you are there, even thought they can’t see you (because they can hear you). Or just say, ‘I’m nipping into the kitchen to… I’ll be back in two minutes.’ Just make sure you do come back in a timely way - don’t be distracted or let things drift. Don’t respond negatively if they follow you, though; they may need to do this for a while before they can handle the visible separation - but it’ll come. Let them determine the pace of things.
Transitional Objects: Encourage the use of items like a favourite object to provide comfort during separations or leave something of yours with the child while your away - a hanky, a pen, anything; it’s the fact that it’s yours that matters, not what the thing is. Photos in their bag or wallet or on the home screen of their phone can help, too (though teenagers will want to be cool, so they might resist that last one!). So something of the person, place or whatever goes with me - I don’t need the present visual reality to be with me because I have this representation of it, to help me build and maintain a mental representation.
Positive Reinforcement:
Practice Independence: Gently praise and encourage independent activities to help build confidence - don’t be too lavish, though; little and often is good. By focusing on independent play, kids can start to physically and cognitively (consciously-mentally) disconnect from the parent/s or carer/s, before reconnecting again when the the adult is present or they resume a joint activity. This repeated cycle of ‘leave and return’ can help build a sense of safe absence from the parent in a context of constant reconnection.
Celebrate Progress: Recognise and reward efforts in coping with separations or changes. Simple behaviourism still has a place! Caution is needed here, though, to avoid linking any reward to subjective feelings of distress or toxic disconnection. Again, just gently encouraging progress of this kind helps to underline to the child that being alone, playing independently or just being OK while the adult is absent, ends in positivity - not only does the adult return but they do so with praise and encouragement.
Professional Support:
Experienced Input: Consider engaging with a child psychologist, psychiatrist or psychotherapist specialising in developmental delays and attachment issues; your local GP should be able to point you in the right direction or check out the British Psychological Society website ‘find a psychologist’ tool for somewhere to start. Even a short consultation with someone familiar with and qualified in child development like this could yield some useful practical advice to get you started.
Support Groups: More informally, you can connect with community groups for caregivers and children facing similar challenges to share experiences and strategies as well as to not feel alone in the struggle. The major fostering organisations would be a good place to start - see the links below for some pointers.
By implementing these kinds of strategies consistently and patiently, we can provide the necessary support to kids struggling with object permanence, fostering a more secure and confident developmental progression.
Final thoughts
I was practicing for many years with troubled kids before I cottoned on to the concept of OP and how important it is in child development - it took even longer to think through and learn from others what can be done about it. But once you see it, it can be really helpful in understanding what’s going on for some children and in steering our work to encourage recovery.
Of course, OP is part of a broader, more complex developmental picture; but thinking through what it feels like to be a child who struggles to hold people and things ‘in mind’ is a valuable insight, I believe.
In the end, as always, if you don’t entirely know what to do: lean in, empathise and be kind!
See you in the next one!
🎧 Listen on SPOTIFY here 🎧
More information:
PREVIOUS BLOG: ‘Object Permanence: what it is, why it matters and how it can go wrong (link)
WEB PAGE: The Fostering Network - providing advice and information to prospective and approved foster carers (link)
WEB PAGE: CoramBAAF (formerly the British Association for Adoption and Fostering - link)
WEB ARTICLE: Simply Psychology article on object permanence and Piaget’s blanket and ball study (hidden toy) - (link)
Subscribe & Follow?
You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.
If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.
You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube and Spotify. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).
©️ Jonny Matthew 2025